Thursday, February 23, 2017
[ FEB 22 - 23 ] [ 2017 ]
DUMP AND RUN BC IM TIRED,
^ q^ art trade i spontaneously did with rieka!! her oc rhea!!
sketches of aubrey i did while tryna finish this soda so i can sleep GNIGHT~
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
[ FEB 20 - 21 ] [ 2017 ]
WHOA when was the last time I drew art lols??
Overwatch comic??? Ish?? LOLS it's meant to be read in this order~
^ q^ As a Mei main, I LOOOOOVE harassing Genjis. It's so cute when they start deflecting my ice spray and it does nothing?
fhfjkshfd WAs trying to do maybe an older Aubrey in part3 thing? I had my heart set on shorter hair for her, but somehow she doesn't really pull it off? I kinda like the outfit tho so we'll see what happens there-
fhklsdjfsd I think a lot about how Aubrey would be when Juniper dies?
Like gosh, ok. She loses both her parents in a car accident she was present for (if I recall right, she literally watched one of her parents die). Given a dog for emotional coping. Dog dies, given a new dog (Juniper!). Lives with her grandparents who don't really understand her issues and think she must have sustained damages that make her mentally handicapped now.
So her parents are dead, and her grandparents are just? This is our retarded grandkid that does stuff sometimes I guess? They don't put her back in public school, and when they were prompted to begin to learning sign language, Aubrey disagreed (both to be a defiant 8-9 year old and bc she really thought she would be talking again very soon). When it was clear she wasn't going to speak really ever again easily, her grandparents didn't really care to learn sign language- thus, Aubrey didn't either.What point was there when there was nobody to talk to?
And then her little brother, she had a strong attachment to him but I don't think he really? Cared? To be fair he was four years younger so he's just a little kid (what, 13/14?). He's in that stage where he's all about himself and didn't pay Aubrey no mind and would purposely go to friend's houses to avoid having to be around her so much- which is actually why Aubrey braves the outside to begin with. Because even in the face of the zombie apocalypse she's willing to risk it to find the people she loves.
The way I had it worked out, I think she basically found all his stuff bloodied and clear evidence he probably didn't make it? I imagine the friend's house is ransacked and bloody and a mess and it's obvious somebody died there- but they're probably a zombie so they're up and walking somewhere, probably one being her brother.
On top of that, her grandparents also dying in that first wave? If I remember right one only died bc of a health condition (I think I had it worked out that the chaos was too much for them, and they succumbed to heart issues).
She really has been such a back burner in everybody's lives- but Juniper's? This dog loves her unconditionally, protects her with all her might and gives her the companionship she really craves?
Idk I think it's so sad how much of her heart she pours into others but doesn't really get much in return. Until Manny and his group tbh. And while she's really happy for them (she really is!). They eventually start their own families and she's left alone? "Alone" I guess I should say.
Tbh I do think Manny, Ryan and Elise "spoiled" her in a way. By the time she had hit 17, ya, she was a really social-craving, cheerful girl. But to strangers, who she was used to looking down on her for being mute (or as they thought, a retard wandering the streets alone), she would push away with her dead pan glare and obvious signals of not wanting people near.
Now that those three gave her the acceptance and love, she wants it. And craves it. She knows everybody is suffering and lonely deep down now. It's been what, 6 years since the apocalypse started? She knows what it's like to hurt, maybe more so than a lot of people. She can't help but want to reach out and help others. Show them the kindness the others showed her.
But that open heart gets her hurt a lot. And it seems to get her into trouble. I worry that others' selfishness will impact her in a really bad way- devaluing her life and closing back into herself, where she feels safe.
Aside from her family of three, I do actually think Rikuto and Judas are incredibly positive influences in her life. Rikuto, as a great friend, something she didn't really have. Ya, Manny/Ryan/Elise are her friends, but she sees them as family first and foremost. Tbh, Aubrey has never had a friend in her life since she was 8. Rikuto would honestly be the first, and that's probably why she clings so much to him that, from an outsider's perspective, I wouldn't blame them for seeing smth more on her part.
He listens to her, and she feels like she can open up to him. More than Manny and Ryan who are more dad figures (and would probably take action, depending what her problem was), and more then Elise where she has this big sister need to protect her from some things. Aubrey already started out a big sister, she's just got this inane need to protect the younger sibling, which means some things she wouldn't want to talk to Elise (at least, not without having talked to somebody else about it or feeling brave enough to not break in front of Elise talking about it and benig a complete wreck). There's also the fact Elise would probably do smth more drastic than Manny and Ryan lol.
However, on the flip side, if Rikuto DOES start to crack, I do think that'll have a huge impact on Aubrey. Her realizing how selfish she was to never ask how he is (even tho he'd never admit his own issues), how she relies so much on him for help, anything of that nature. It'll make her feel... awful. I do worry she'd stop opening up to him (and friends in general) if Rikuto hits that point.
Judas, while he doesn't get to hear as much, I think is still a really necessary pillar in her life? She's never had an older sibling, but Judas comes across as much older so he doesn't necessarily have that position in her life. However due to how he treats her, a little sister, it's easy to see how they develop that sort of relationship.
Like her family tho, Judas is going to stab a bitch if he feels it's necessary lols? However in both cases, there's an emotional bond. Rikuto is for a more strong connection, a true heart to heart. While Judas is just a really big, protective shoulder to cry on to be weak for a moment.
For Judas tho, I think she wouldn't go to him so much as he finds her? Which is LOL bc she doesn't seek him out, HOWEVER, I do think it's rare Aubrey opens up about problems if she's brooding on her own. I honestly think it says a lot if she's crying and Judas asks her what's wrong and she actually opens up? Bc I think most of the time she'd just be like it's nothing I just wanted to cry this out, don't worry, I'll be back inside in a minute.
As for Daichi, he's honestly a double edge sword. She likes helping and knows what it's like to go thru trauma and loneliness (tho his is very literal). She's honestly good for that sort of help, but he constantly pushes away and in the end, probably makes her invalidate her own experiences. "Well, they WERE so long in the past" and "I don't know what he saw but it must have been worse than what I've seen."
She's persistent, even if it hurts, bc she's stubborn and doesn't give up. But in the end, I worry if anybody would do the same for her? Especially for those the closest to her, like Daichi? Bc if he left that up to somebody else or never tried to be there for her, I think it'd crush her and make her realize how stupid she honestly was for really honestly believing that his feelings for her were even half as strong as hers' for him.
On that topic, one worry I've always had in the back of my head, is if it came to a do or die situation with her and Daichi. If it was an "I'll stall them, you go or we both die" situation. Bc if she still feels so undervalued and doesn't feel special she's going to finally snap? Very much "I was supposed to be dead in an overturned pick up truck when I was 8 and I've been existing in this life ever since. I've never been wanted, cherished or needed as much as I am right now. You fought to survive for so long, why throw that away now? Your existence is so much more important and valuable then my entire being, dead or alive. Please let me do something that matters for once in my life and help you survive this right now."
Honestly, I don't think there's many people that can trump her when it comes to fighting for somebody elses' sake that she truly loves. She will fight tooth and nail for you, no matter how hard you push her away, bc she wants you to be happy. And it's just so sad that I really doubt she'll ever be on the receiving end of that. I don't doubt her family would throw themselves into danger for her, but to focus solely on her- it's selfish and she never wants to say it out loud. But she wants to feel special- like somebody wants her. The last time she felt that was as a child, when her parents were still alive.
Juniper is the only one that gives her these feelings, but Juniper is old. Once she loses that lifeline, Aubrey will no longer feel wanted, needed or special. She's just here to do chores because she's existing in this camp. And that sort of thinking is probably what drives her further into herself.
I do think it's changeable. I do think she can learn to think differently about herself. But she can't do it alone. It's been 14 years and nobody's been able to do that for her. I think it's wrong to blame her for accepting nobody cares to help her. I sincerely wish somebody would prove her wrong, but with the course of the story, I can really, seriously only hope she realizes she can't put her happiness in others, but in herself and what she can do.
Because I really doubt there's anybody in the cast that can give her that meaning for life the others give her, and that's really sad. When Juniper passes, she's taking that meaning of life for Aubrey with her.
^ q^ As a Mei main, I LOOOOOVE harassing Genjis. It's so cute when they start deflecting my ice spray and it does nothing?
Like gosh, ok. She loses both her parents in a car accident she was present for (if I recall right, she literally watched one of her parents die). Given a dog for emotional coping. Dog dies, given a new dog (Juniper!). Lives with her grandparents who don't really understand her issues and think she must have sustained damages that make her mentally handicapped now.
So her parents are dead, and her grandparents are just? This is our retarded grandkid that does stuff sometimes I guess? They don't put her back in public school, and when they were prompted to begin to learning sign language, Aubrey disagreed (both to be a defiant 8-9 year old and bc she really thought she would be talking again very soon). When it was clear she wasn't going to speak really ever again easily, her grandparents didn't really care to learn sign language- thus, Aubrey didn't either.What point was there when there was nobody to talk to?
And then her little brother, she had a strong attachment to him but I don't think he really? Cared? To be fair he was four years younger so he's just a little kid (what, 13/14?). He's in that stage where he's all about himself and didn't pay Aubrey no mind and would purposely go to friend's houses to avoid having to be around her so much- which is actually why Aubrey braves the outside to begin with. Because even in the face of the zombie apocalypse she's willing to risk it to find the people she loves.
The way I had it worked out, I think she basically found all his stuff bloodied and clear evidence he probably didn't make it? I imagine the friend's house is ransacked and bloody and a mess and it's obvious somebody died there- but they're probably a zombie so they're up and walking somewhere, probably one being her brother.
On top of that, her grandparents also dying in that first wave? If I remember right one only died bc of a health condition (I think I had it worked out that the chaos was too much for them, and they succumbed to heart issues).
She really has been such a back burner in everybody's lives- but Juniper's? This dog loves her unconditionally, protects her with all her might and gives her the companionship she really craves?
Idk I think it's so sad how much of her heart she pours into others but doesn't really get much in return. Until Manny and his group tbh. And while she's really happy for them (she really is!). They eventually start their own families and she's left alone? "Alone" I guess I should say.
Tbh I do think Manny, Ryan and Elise "spoiled" her in a way. By the time she had hit 17, ya, she was a really social-craving, cheerful girl. But to strangers, who she was used to looking down on her for being mute (or as they thought, a retard wandering the streets alone), she would push away with her dead pan glare and obvious signals of not wanting people near.
Now that those three gave her the acceptance and love, she wants it. And craves it. She knows everybody is suffering and lonely deep down now. It's been what, 6 years since the apocalypse started? She knows what it's like to hurt, maybe more so than a lot of people. She can't help but want to reach out and help others. Show them the kindness the others showed her.
But that open heart gets her hurt a lot. And it seems to get her into trouble. I worry that others' selfishness will impact her in a really bad way- devaluing her life and closing back into herself, where she feels safe.
Aside from her family of three, I do actually think Rikuto and Judas are incredibly positive influences in her life. Rikuto, as a great friend, something she didn't really have. Ya, Manny/Ryan/Elise are her friends, but she sees them as family first and foremost. Tbh, Aubrey has never had a friend in her life since she was 8. Rikuto would honestly be the first, and that's probably why she clings so much to him that, from an outsider's perspective, I wouldn't blame them for seeing smth more on her part.
He listens to her, and she feels like she can open up to him. More than Manny and Ryan who are more dad figures (and would probably take action, depending what her problem was), and more then Elise where she has this big sister need to protect her from some things. Aubrey already started out a big sister, she's just got this inane need to protect the younger sibling, which means some things she wouldn't want to talk to Elise (at least, not without having talked to somebody else about it or feeling brave enough to not break in front of Elise talking about it and benig a complete wreck). There's also the fact Elise would probably do smth more drastic than Manny and Ryan lol.
However, on the flip side, if Rikuto DOES start to crack, I do think that'll have a huge impact on Aubrey. Her realizing how selfish she was to never ask how he is (even tho he'd never admit his own issues), how she relies so much on him for help, anything of that nature. It'll make her feel... awful. I do worry she'd stop opening up to him (and friends in general) if Rikuto hits that point.
Judas, while he doesn't get to hear as much, I think is still a really necessary pillar in her life? She's never had an older sibling, but Judas comes across as much older so he doesn't necessarily have that position in her life. However due to how he treats her, a little sister, it's easy to see how they develop that sort of relationship.
Like her family tho, Judas is going to stab a bitch if he feels it's necessary lols? However in both cases, there's an emotional bond. Rikuto is for a more strong connection, a true heart to heart. While Judas is just a really big, protective shoulder to cry on to be weak for a moment.
For Judas tho, I think she wouldn't go to him so much as he finds her? Which is LOL bc she doesn't seek him out, HOWEVER, I do think it's rare Aubrey opens up about problems if she's brooding on her own. I honestly think it says a lot if she's crying and Judas asks her what's wrong and she actually opens up? Bc I think most of the time she'd just be like it's nothing I just wanted to cry this out, don't worry, I'll be back inside in a minute.
As for Daichi, he's honestly a double edge sword. She likes helping and knows what it's like to go thru trauma and loneliness (tho his is very literal). She's honestly good for that sort of help, but he constantly pushes away and in the end, probably makes her invalidate her own experiences. "Well, they WERE so long in the past" and "I don't know what he saw but it must have been worse than what I've seen."
She's persistent, even if it hurts, bc she's stubborn and doesn't give up. But in the end, I worry if anybody would do the same for her? Especially for those the closest to her, like Daichi? Bc if he left that up to somebody else or never tried to be there for her, I think it'd crush her and make her realize how stupid she honestly was for really honestly believing that his feelings for her were even half as strong as hers' for him.
On that topic, one worry I've always had in the back of my head, is if it came to a do or die situation with her and Daichi. If it was an "I'll stall them, you go or we both die" situation. Bc if she still feels so undervalued and doesn't feel special she's going to finally snap? Very much "I was supposed to be dead in an overturned pick up truck when I was 8 and I've been existing in this life ever since. I've never been wanted, cherished or needed as much as I am right now. You fought to survive for so long, why throw that away now? Your existence is so much more important and valuable then my entire being, dead or alive. Please let me do something that matters for once in my life and help you survive this right now."
Honestly, I don't think there's many people that can trump her when it comes to fighting for somebody elses' sake that she truly loves. She will fight tooth and nail for you, no matter how hard you push her away, bc she wants you to be happy. And it's just so sad that I really doubt she'll ever be on the receiving end of that. I don't doubt her family would throw themselves into danger for her, but to focus solely on her- it's selfish and she never wants to say it out loud. But she wants to feel special- like somebody wants her. The last time she felt that was as a child, when her parents were still alive.
Juniper is the only one that gives her these feelings, but Juniper is old. Once she loses that lifeline, Aubrey will no longer feel wanted, needed or special. She's just here to do chores because she's existing in this camp. And that sort of thinking is probably what drives her further into herself.
I do think it's changeable. I do think she can learn to think differently about herself. But she can't do it alone. It's been 14 years and nobody's been able to do that for her. I think it's wrong to blame her for accepting nobody cares to help her. I sincerely wish somebody would prove her wrong, but with the course of the story, I can really, seriously only hope she realizes she can't put her happiness in others, but in herself and what she can do.
Because I really doubt there's anybody in the cast that can give her that meaning for life the others give her, and that's really sad. When Juniper passes, she's taking that meaning of life for Aubrey with her.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
[ FEB 14 - 15 ] [ 2017 ]
So, Overwatch had an event for the last 3 weeks SO GUESS WHAT I WAS DOING ALL THREE WEEKS.
In other news, I hit 5 stars. 8)
^ q^ Aiyana draw to warm up~
Tho oh, I did do smth else before that~
^ q^ Edited a screencap from Tanaka-kun Itsumo Kedaruge hehe. I thought the style was super cute, esp for Aubrey! I originally wanted to edit the girl that Elise is as Aubrey, but when I watched it, I was like, no, she's more Elise sized lol. I prayed that another girl would talk to Miyano and Shiraishi did!!
I think they came out super cute and tbh I think they're such cute girls?? YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS THEY'RE FROM A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STORY LOLS
I JUST RLY LOVE AUBREY AND ELISE HOLDS UP HANDS
I MEANT TO GO TO BED AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO BUT THINGS GOT TOO REAL I SCREAM rikuto is too much for me i can t
I GOT WORK AND I STILL NEED A SHOWER SCREAMS INTO THE NIGHT SKY gnight
In other news, I hit 5 stars. 8)
Tho oh, I did do smth else before that~
I think they came out super cute and tbh I think they're such cute girls?? YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS THEY'RE FROM A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STORY LOLS
I MEANT TO GO TO BED AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO BUT THINGS GOT TOO REAL I SCREAM rikuto is too much for me i can t
I GOT WORK AND I STILL NEED A SHOWER SCREAMS INTO THE NIGHT SKY gnight
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