[ JULY 30 - 31 ] [ 2014 ]

i have this pimple on my forehead that's really obnoxious, why must i have acne? why does it seem like everybody else around me has flawless skin?

ahahaha i got this idea in my head that i should try playing with screen tones but it came out a disaster weeps

oh well i got to draw kuroha hehe. kagerou project art oops i just love crazies ahaha. need more in my life. ////

tbh i really hate being online. it's the worst sense, you know? you're surrounded by tons of people at all hours of the day online, but really... it's lonely. lately, i dislike being online. i don't like it, it's lonesome. i feel like i'm meager and insignificant, meaning nothing to anybody.

there's people that acknowledge you, then there's people you connect with. and online, i don't have anybody i can connect with. nobody that hasn't already moved on with their lives already. smh, idk. it started with me hating my art but now it's just a big ball of self hate.

 i want to delete my public twitter. if only for a few days, it might take a load off my shoulders. i made a private twitter so i can remember i'm actually cared for. maybe i'll just log into that private twitter as my main one on my main browser so i don't have to acknowledge other people.

i'm not scared to be alone. i've lived nearly my whole life alone and relying on myself. i'm scared that no matter my accomplishments, no matter my struggles, nobody will actually care. i think the worst thing that annoys me is people who try even less shine brighter than those who fell to ruins and rose back up, you know? like, why try?

it's really so sad. i think i need to step away. i'd love to delete my tumblr accounts, but alas, i'm proud of how far i've come. maybe if i get an actual career-oriented job, is the day i'll say good bye to my accounts and delete them forever. for now, i need a time filler, you know?

that which was embraced,

* q* so continuing my project that'll take me forever and a half. finally it's not aiyana! featuring different charas in her story ((wtf there's different characters right???)). hehe miki and lino are a couple that already are dating by the start. but as they go through their relationship, it starts to get strained. lino begins to accuse miki of various things, and miki is too hot-headed to talk it out calmly. or i should say, when she tried that and he immediately cuts her off, she just blows up.

eventually in the spirit world the two finally break and have an actual all out fight, with lino starting it. miki snaps herself, telling him he's such a burden and since all he ever does anymore is talk about killing himself, fine, just do it! he does, taking a step back and falling down a cliff.

the next morning in the waking world, his body is found in bed. 

so ya. they had once embraced, but...

the branches of an unknown flower

* q* MY PROJECT IS NEARING THE HALFWAY POINT!

a fun fact, aiyana's story was entirely created because i wanted to use oleander as a plot point. in fact, aiyana's name was almost oleander ((also considered was the "spirit world" idea, she used a false name, that being oleander.))  her entire story motif was going to be poisonous plants, lol.

i want to say that's why she got the flower- i wanted to keep that idea. so, i heavily associate aiyana was flowers and nature! this lyric really stuck out to me for her when i read it /// an unknown flower, ah yes.

i wish i had animated one more flower, but ah well! it's late and i want sleep. * q* next lyric will be difficult ((or not if im creative)). hehe it's simply just "who?"

but for now G'NIIGHT~