[ NOV 25 - 26 ] [ 2017 ]

SCREAMS every day is filled with socializing I JUST WANNA STAY AT HOME IN SILENCE FOR LIKE A MONTH NOW //CLOSES EYES,

mucho irritated

^ q^ anyways

guilty ship~ T 7T/// kyle/lexi. it's not as fun to think about since it's my own ocs together in a collab story? BUT IT'S SMTH I THINK ABOUT A LOT,

OKEY DOKEY THIS ONE MADE ME SAD ALRIGHTY THEN!!! alex/mikan fdhsfkjhsf WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN, but u know...

ME: EVEN IN MY OWN STORIES/OWN OCS, GOTTA SHIP SMTH ON THE SIDE!! and it's not so simple like changing the story to accommodate a pairing? Like in story... this... affects too much... to happen... but god dammit would it be cuTE

DHFKLDHF I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT OT BANG TIL AFTER I HAD FINISHED IT WEEPS OPENLY!!!

anyways aubrey and rikuto! in p2 bc gdi if aubrey wasn't so into daichi who fucked up her life she coulda been with rikuto dfhklshfkjshfds //FLINGS SSELF ON GROUND!!!

anyways context is daichi has his fcking big brother cameras all over the damn camp bc zombies and shit and they really dont care if he catches them. U___U!!

LDKHFSDFSDF SPLATOON OC!! ^ q^ my boy altair haha. i was such a boss with the carbon roller tbh

guess whose rly looking at splatoon2 ahahahahah fshlfjshfsfj //MIGHT GET IT TOMORROW ACTUALLY!!! ^ q ^

god damn i made some poor choices staying up late- groans

VOMITS BLOOD OK OK GOT DISTRACTED BY DOUJINS for reals now i got stuff to do tomorrow gnight

[ NOV 23 - 24 ] [ 2017 ] NSFW

^ q^ happy turkey day friends

OK THIS STARTED IT ALL

this is what started tonight's nsfw fhsklfhdskjfhsdf stream LMFAO!!!

ANYWAYS here is luca, my son. //closes eyes// lil dancing lance boy~

THEN HERE WE GO LOLING SO MUCH, it looked like he was hfdkljshfsdkjfhsf strip dancing SO I DID AN EDIT //FCKING CRYING FDHFKLJDHSF MY SON,

and it went downhill to just dicks from there

I WANTED TO DRAW ALISTER/LUCA FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW??? GOD BLESS???

but then i was like omg... i can color swap luca tho...

AND THEN IT TURNED INTO SOREN FDSHFLKDJSHFDSF //LOLING SO MUCH???? the otp tbh, my boys...

and figured i'd finish up my boy trio with takashi fdhslkjfdsf

LOLNIG AND IT WORKED OUT PERFECTL YSCREAMS FKLJSDFSFSF

pats self on back

u did a good job designing luca and his outfit, it works great for this nsfw shit //loling so much dflskjhfsdkjhf

GOSH IM TIRED, BUT HUNGRY... SQUINTS... ITS RLY LATE TEARS gonna eat ya

ACTUALLY NO IM GONNA PASS OUT GNIGHT,

[ NOV 22 - 23 ] [ 2017 ]

TT;; i dont rly wanna go to family's house for thanksgiving bc i'm ungrateful haha. nah i just still feel kinda uurrrggghh.

ENDED UP LINING THAT AUBREY GIF DHFKLJHFKJSHFSDF //HOLD SHEAD actually it's going pretty quickly??? despite the fact i didn't think very hard about the hair+clothes animation fck loling

BUT YA NOT BAD HEHE. got it flat colored, too! added some textures to the pink since the insp i got it from had textures, too? :0c

HERE IS WHERE... IT GETS TOUGH... //TEARS,

i hate shading animation like this... //GRUNTS, but i think it'll be worth it!? anything for aubrey;... my daughter... tears... ok but ya i said i'd do commissions to some commissioners like 6 hours ago. ^_^;;;; //FLOATS AWAY BETTER DO THAT

^ q^ A BUNCH OF COMMISSIONS I FINISHED IN ONE NIGHT //WIPES BROW, tho now im prolly gonna get 0 sleep gdi these awful life choices fhskjhsf //ROLLS OFF A C LIFF

[ NOV 21 - 22 ] [ 2017 ]

TT;;; my god my throat is so dry no matter how much water i drink? + i kept puking a bit all day today. even hours after i got home, i got that sensation?? urrrgghh.

QHAAAA!!

a very old oc of mine! ^ q^ that i haven't drawn since like idk 2012 or smth lolign!!! i missed this story randomly while uploading art i've received of it?? tearplz.

i actually did this yesterday but honestly got lazy to upload it hahahaa

ffdsfgfhjj ^ 7^ DREW IZUMI FINALLY, fcking lil gremlin //PUSHES HIM DOWN!!!

quick shitty doodle sketch of vivi I MISSED HER... MY SHITTY DAUGHTER. i need to revamp her outfit some  tho. it's too cutesy for her attitude hfkljfdhsfkjds

and WHOOOAAA I DID ANIMATION AGAIN?! ofc it's aubrey ahahaha!!

hugely inspired by delusion sensation compensation federation! tbh the entire song suits her, but the visuals really caught me!!

"I did my best.
I can’t help this selfishness.
Even after bearing fruit, a mysterious dilemma remains.
“Are you mad?” “…I’m not.”
We’re in harmony, yet we’re out of sync."

these lyrics KILL me. "I did my best" my god that's literally the story of her life. she did her best and she feels selfish and she's really sorry.

dshfkljdsf I CAN WRITE U AN ENTIRE NOVEL ON HOW SHE MAKES ME SAD BUT WE ALL ALREADY KNOW THAT //CLOSES EYES// I AM A BROKEN RECORD BUT GDI!!! her one wish in life was for happiness but in the end she wished for it for somebody else that not only SAPPED AWAY her happiness, but never found happiness in her like ok

"Still, I ended up believing in love that’s “just fine.”"

like wtf. she really did... beleive in a love that's... ""just fine"" ok...

like... gosh... she's always been used by ppl that loved her... or not appreciated... aubrey truly died when she was 8 yrs old. all those years with her grandparents, she was just... there... they saw her as dead weight. bc they didn't understand her issues. and didn't care to make her comfortable to talk them out, so she carried that... that... ?? fear? inability? emptiness? of not being understood or loved.

i think about when the apoc first started, she didn't have fear that she was alone. it was empty worry for her brother, who she was pretty sure was dead. and what did she do? immediately start scouting and prepping for survival. this always honestly bothered me? like.. how distant and detached was she... to not... feel anything... how numb was she to think.. ."ah, they're dead..." shed her tears and then go right back into her life?

manny, ryan and elise really brought her back to reality- that's when i knew she was saveable? i think it's not so much she loses herself but hides herself? in a desperate attempt to not get hrut- but she let her soft spots open and got attached to those three. bc they showed genuine love and care for her- she was truly wanted.

and everything honestly was really, really good for her- the moment things started to change really was when she met daichi?? i dont think she realized how her personality was slowly changing? it's easy to not catch it, everybody puts on the polite face for the first time? but as time went on, she prolly realized her strong, determined streak wasn't appealing, throwing it away for a more docile personality. i do truly think that was completely, 100% in favor of never upsetting daichi. he was rly volatile at that time so she did anything to not rock the boat- mostly to keep him happy but mixing with her crush and slowly falling, it wasn't going to be good for her.

but ya- i wouldn't say that was actually a "bad" or "low" point for her? it was the START of smth awful, but like i said, most ppl do change attitudes/personalities depending who they're around. it gets bad when it turns into smth along the lines of grooming or conditioning-

anwyays... the TRUE point her heart broke was... ryan's death... not only did ryan die... it was zack's fault... it was such a double whammy... which would carry on with consequences she didn't foresee, since daichi basically is like wtf u doing why u talking to him? when she was trying to ... heal her heart.. like... didn't wanna carry that hate... try to pretend to forgive at least... but that wore on her...

then the worst person to die for her did, elise. if everybody but 1 person had to die around aubrey, she'd have picked elise to live tbh... like gohs... her love and reliance on that girl was incredible, i never realized it til it was too late?? T____T

after that, really, her life was over again. rikuto had his own issues... manny was snapping at her for things that had nothing to do with her? it's almost like he was taking daichi's side in a way- yelling at her for wanting to talk to zack or even rikuto- but he was just projecting his own insecurities on her?? bc manny realizes she IS a sweet cute girl whose not happy in her relationship? it makes sense she'd go to somebody else that's willing to love her? so ya... i guess in a way he's covering for daichi even tho he doesnt want him near aubrey... but he's also like... aubrey, YOU are the one fighting for this relationship dont you dare go and do this bullshit then? even tho she wasn't...

zack only really cared for naomi and ange...

like honestly... really only judas gave her a shoulder to lean on at that point? and i truly think he helped her keep it together... //CLOSES EYES// i'm positive he was a lifeline, right behnd rikuto... the only ones that truly cared about her and her feelings, that noticed she was hurting and wanted what was best for her, even tho they knew she couldn't have that no more... like... she was trapped between a rock and a hard spot...

no matter her choice it was always going to be... "loneliness..." she's really such... an empty... lonely girl... that tried to fill the void with anybody that'd listen... and when she pulled ALL THE FUCKING COURAGE IN HER BODY to finally try to talk to somebody else... it ended up being the most painful thing her entire life...

so rly... she died when she was 8... and has just been wandering... looking for somewhere to belogn... and be loved... but never really found it... ' ~'

AND SHE'S NOT EVEN A BAD PERSON? just... nobody really... LOOKED at her... they saw her but not AUBREY and sadly i think almost nobody really took the time to realize that...  always overlooked... i think she just has that... aura... personality? where u KNOW she has friends and loved ones but everybody kinda all assumes somebody else is paying attention?

like when u see smth and it needs police attention? like 6 ppl saw it happen, but not a single one calls 911... bc they all assumed... somebody else did... since there were 6 of u... that's the kinda situation i feel aubrey is in... very... u can't complain, u ARE loved... but... never #1 to anybody... always second best...

even to herself... always putting... him before herself... always chasing.. . impossible dreams for herself... that anybody found possible...

like gosh... she's just so... sad... but i think the part that hurts most is... she's always... hopeful... always... "maybe tomorrow!" her spirit... isn't easily broken...

and then she died by herself, so there's that,

any time there's a character that's "lonely" or smth, those truly empty ones... i just think of aubrey... she's really so... lonely... i truly would do anything, anything, to rewrite a story for her or even put somebody else in her place... she really... i think... didn't deserve it... and i think she's punished a lot... and uncared for... and just...

pulls her weight, has a good temperament, tries her best, has skills to offer, but... not a snigle one... is really... nobody ever really expresses gratitude u know...? i can't even say she's been selfish, she's always... raelly tried,,, to be a good person... her whole life...

i bet you she even decided to always be good to go to heaven and see her parents. she's prolly that kinda kid... always... always looking up... always... hoping... always... denied...

ok IM SAD G'NGIHT

[ NOV 19 - 20 ] [ 2017 ] NSFW

TT;;; STILL SO TIRED AND SORE

DFSHLFKJSF I FINALLY DREW KAITO, THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE //CLUTCHES HEART

now that i finally drew his hair and did it decent, will i draw him a lot? possibly. i feel like shuichi and maki but gosh HIS CHARMS...

FDDSGDFGDFG A REEEEAAALLLY OLD PKMN TRAINER I DISCARDED UNTIL RECENTLY? her name is mint and she was my pkmn trainer oc in crystal holy shit

//CRIES, SHE LOOKS SO DIFFERENT IN MY STYLE LOLING DHFJDKSHFSLKJFHSF NOW!! i'm bumping up her age too. she'll be in the same story as chance!

DHFKJHSDSF TEHEPLZ, arata ///

hkjfdhsf AND THEN DREW SHINJI TOO HE'S SO A+

IM CRYING IDK HOW WE GOT ON THE TOPIC BUT I REZ'D KEITAN AND TENJI PURELY TO DRAW THE MBANGNIG HDFKJDHSFLKJSDHSDF //SLAM DUNKS SELF IN THE TRASH CAN!!

OKFACE, im tired out. TT:;; got work tomorrow and still not feeling good SO i should sleep gnight

[ NOV 18 - 19 ] [ 2017 ] NSFW

T___t I'M DYING HELP

my sleep schedule is so fucked over and my sneeznig hasn't stopped. TT;; now my eyes are watering and just ahhhhgghhh dsfhjsf //DEATH,

finished my art trade with viv!! ^ q^ somehow screams MY EYES HURT.

now i can finally take a second to relax. TT just wanna lay around and draw a bit for myself, i havent even gotten to touch my pkmn game WEH

today i cried over aubrey, legit tears, again, i feel so bad for her TT;;

fdhsfljkf WOKE UP LATE, STAYED UP LATE. T 7T so did nsfw ahahaha.

anyways warm up yua for funsies

AND THEN OBLIGATORY AUBREY she always works so well with me

i dont even think she wears stockings but actual thick leggings but did that stop me from butchering my own oc?? noooooo.

OKFACE FEELING FEVERISH. T___T MUST GO DIE GNIGHT

[ NOV 17-18 ] [ 2017 ]

T___T;; i was feeling okay but tonight i'm getting worse with this illness, oh no!! i bet i'll wake up hella sick tomorrow, weh

^ q^ firstly, a commission for yume! i had actually finished it yesterday or the day before, but? ahaha, forgot to upload bc i was feeling a bit feverish. ;;

SCREAMS I WORKED HARD ON THIS ONE, i don't do chibi couples very oftne, usually just for RL $ but ahaha they were so cute and i'm greedy on gaia LOL

SCREAMS OK i got viv's art trade lined+flat colored. will work on it tomorrow!!

[ NOV 15 ] [ 2017 ]

im so tired, but i gotta finish these coms TT;;;;

^^ HERE WE GO, ANOTHER FINISHED, HAHA!! //// i hope the commissioner likes it, tearplz.

T__T ok gnight

[ NOV 14 ] [ 2017 ]

i've been bad with uploading lately! T____T;; so tired from work,

rlc i finished! ^ q^!!! a big cutie, haha.

and a gaia commission i finished! :0c this one was yesterday or the day before, i can't recall ahaha

LOLING i couldn't decide which bride avi i liked best!? ANWYAYS ME AND RIEKA GONNA GET MARRIED ON GAIA TO FULFILL EVERYBODY'S EXPECTATIONS

we got a bunch of our online friends to join us too IT'LL BE GREAT,

OK GONNA UPLOAD OLD ART ELSEWHERE so gnight

[ NOV 11 - 12 ] [ 2017 ] NSFW

^ q^;; i have work tomorrow weh

AHAHAHA
^ q^ R18 art trade with pinny!!! her oc, davi, i'm so happy i got new blood to mess with haha. HE WAS SO CUTE... AND SO FUN... I MEANT TO JUST DO A DOODLE BUT AHAHA HERE I AM.

anyways back to cute rated pg things lols

today is pocky day! ^ q^ so i wanted to draw ocs doing it, but ahaha everything wanted my attention today so didn't get as much done as i'd like. T___T

here is yua and yuuma~

and then here is ryusei and ichigo! gosh i was so distracted doing this one, i forgot to add his neck scarf and mole dhakjfdhlsfkjsdf //CRIES, FIXED IT THO

^ 7^ and then a random one of yua wearing yuuma's jacket!!!

OKFACE I STAYED UP WAY TOO LATE GNIGHT

[ NOV 10 - 11 ] [ 2017 ]

GOSH I'M WIPED FROM TODAY but i had fun.  work wasn't bad.

BUT STOOPING OVER TO DO MY COMMISSIONS HAS KILLED ME

* g* finished an art trade!! with smaii hands on gaia haha

I DID IT, ryusei is finished! MY SON, MY BEAUTIFUL SON.

^^ one more oc ref to go for this story! and i'll be complete! took a break from commissions to finish him haha. ;;; i got so many oh.
^ 7^ i did an r18 trade with a friend, but i'm not sure she wants to be named/her oc posted like that SO I WON'T POST UNTIL I GET SOME FORM OF PERMISSION, BUT KNOW I WORKED ON IT TODAY OK, 

^ q^ doodled mine and rieka's avis. ahaha ofc i simplified but i rly love our avis together rn!!! so cute!!

okface gnight

[ NOV 9 ] [ 2017 ]

T 7T I stupidly opened a soda in the evening, but I gotta sleep early. BUT SODA IS SO GOOD WITH HOT WINGS, AHAHA,

^^ a whole mess of gaia sketches!!  i ended up accepting more than i usually do, but i'm pretty quick when i'm not distracted...

i also accepted a bunch, because...!

i finished my rlc!!! ^ 7^ such a cutie, i looooved doing the hair and small details? //////

OK THINK I DID A LOT FOR OTHERS TODAY, time for me to draw for... me. //TEARS, TRYNA GIVE RYUSEI AND DAIJIRO REFS.

HRGH OK i gotta get t owork tomorrow morning. T___T;;;

tryna pick colors for oc ref??? I'LL DO IT TOMORROW URGH Ok gnight

[ NOV 8 - 9 ] [ 2017 ]

^ q^ Ahaha I had meant to go to bed rn but I wanted to update this and eat dinner?!?!?

finished kagami's ref!! i changed her outfit and her eye color and tbh i LOVE this so much more???

^ 7^ OK!!! tomorrow is a day off for me TEARPLS, s ohopefully i draw more!! gnight!