a very old oc of mine! ^ q^ that i haven't drawn since like idk 2012 or smth lolign!!! i missed this story randomly while uploading art i've received of it?? tearplz.
i actually did this yesterday but honestly got lazy to upload it hahahaa
ffdsfgfhjj ^ 7^ DREW IZUMI FINALLY, fcking lil gremlin //PUSHES HIM DOWN!!!
quick shitty doodle sketch of vivi I MISSED HER... MY SHITTY DAUGHTER. i need to revamp her outfit some tho. it's too cutesy for her attitude hfkljfdhsfkjds
and WHOOOAAA I DID ANIMATION AGAIN?! ofc it's aubrey ahahaha!!
hugely inspired by delusion sensation compensation federation! tbh the entire song suits her, but the visuals really caught me!!
"I did my best.
I can’t help this selfishness.
Even after bearing fruit, a mysterious dilemma remains.
“Are you mad?” “…I’m not.”
We’re in harmony, yet we’re out of sync."
these lyrics KILL me. "I did my best" my god that's literally the story of her life. she did her best and she feels selfish and she's really sorry.
dshfkljdsf I CAN WRITE U AN ENTIRE NOVEL ON HOW SHE MAKES ME SAD BUT WE ALL ALREADY KNOW THAT //CLOSES EYES// I AM A BROKEN RECORD BUT GDI!!! her one wish in life was for happiness but in the end she wished for it for somebody else that not only SAPPED AWAY her happiness, but never found happiness in her like ok
"Still, I ended up believing in love that’s “just fine.”"
like wtf. she really did... beleive in a love that's... ""just fine"" ok...
like... gosh... she's always been used by ppl that loved her... or not appreciated... aubrey truly died when she was 8 yrs old. all those years with her grandparents, she was just... there... they saw her as dead weight. bc they didn't understand her issues. and didn't care to make her comfortable to talk them out, so she carried that... that... ?? fear? inability? emptiness? of not being understood or loved.
i think about when the apoc first started, she didn't have fear that she was alone. it was empty worry for her brother, who she was pretty sure was dead. and what did she do? immediately start scouting and prepping for survival. this always honestly bothered me? like.. how distant and detached was she... to not... feel anything... how numb was she to think.. ."ah, they're dead..." shed her tears and then go right back into her life?
manny, ryan and elise really brought her back to reality- that's when i knew she was saveable? i think it's not so much she loses herself but hides herself? in a desperate attempt to not get hrut- but she let her soft spots open and got attached to those three. bc they showed genuine love and care for her- she was truly wanted.
and everything honestly was really, really good for her- the moment things started to change really was when she met daichi?? i dont think she realized how her personality was slowly changing? it's easy to not catch it, everybody puts on the polite face for the first time? but as time went on, she prolly realized her strong, determined streak wasn't appealing, throwing it away for a more docile personality. i do truly think that was completely, 100% in favor of never upsetting daichi. he was rly volatile at that time so she did anything to not rock the boat- mostly to keep him happy but mixing with her crush and slowly falling, it wasn't going to be good for her.
but ya- i wouldn't say that was actually a "bad" or "low" point for her? it was the START of smth awful, but like i said, most ppl do change attitudes/personalities depending who they're around. it gets bad when it turns into smth along the lines of grooming or conditioning-
anwyays... the TRUE point her heart broke was... ryan's death... not only did ryan die... it was zack's fault... it was such a double whammy... which would carry on with consequences she didn't foresee, since daichi basically is like wtf u doing why u talking to him? when she was trying to ... heal her heart.. like... didn't wanna carry that hate... try to pretend to forgive at least... but that wore on her...
then the worst person to die for her did, elise. if everybody but 1 person had to die around aubrey, she'd have picked elise to live tbh... like gohs... her love and reliance on that girl was incredible, i never realized it til it was too late?? T____T
after that, really, her life was over again. rikuto had his own issues... manny was snapping at her for things that had nothing to do with her? it's almost like he was taking daichi's side in a way- yelling at her for wanting to talk to zack or even rikuto- but he was just projecting his own insecurities on her?? bc manny realizes she IS a sweet cute girl whose not happy in her relationship? it makes sense she'd go to somebody else that's willing to love her? so ya... i guess in a way he's covering for daichi even tho he doesnt want him near aubrey... but he's also like... aubrey, YOU are the one fighting for this relationship dont you dare go and do this bullshit then? even tho she wasn't...
zack only really cared for naomi and ange...
like honestly... really only judas gave her a shoulder to lean on at that point? and i truly think he helped her keep it together... //CLOSES EYES// i'm positive he was a lifeline, right behnd rikuto... the only ones that truly cared about her and her feelings, that noticed she was hurting and wanted what was best for her, even tho they knew she couldn't have that no more... like... she was trapped between a rock and a hard spot...
no matter her choice it was always going to be... "loneliness..." she's really such... an empty... lonely girl... that tried to fill the void with anybody that'd listen... and when she pulled ALL THE FUCKING COURAGE IN HER BODY to finally try to talk to somebody else... it ended up being the most painful thing her entire life...
so rly... she died when she was 8... and has just been wandering... looking for somewhere to belogn... and be loved... but never really found it... ' ~'
AND SHE'S NOT EVEN A BAD PERSON? just... nobody really... LOOKED at her... they saw her but not AUBREY and sadly i think almost nobody really took the time to realize that... always overlooked... i think she just has that... aura... personality? where u KNOW she has friends and loved ones but everybody kinda all assumes somebody else is paying attention?
like when u see smth and it needs police attention? like 6 ppl saw it happen, but not a single one calls 911... bc they all assumed... somebody else did... since there were 6 of u... that's the kinda situation i feel aubrey is in... very... u can't complain, u ARE loved... but... never #1 to anybody... always second best...
even to herself... always putting... him before herself... always chasing.. . impossible dreams for herself... that anybody found possible...
like gosh... she's just so... sad... but i think the part that hurts most is... she's always... hopeful... always... "maybe tomorrow!" her spirit... isn't easily broken...
and then she died by herself, so there's that,
any time there's a character that's "lonely" or smth, those truly empty ones... i just think of aubrey... she's really so... lonely... i truly would do anything, anything, to rewrite a story for her or even put somebody else in her place... she really... i think... didn't deserve it... and i think she's punished a lot... and uncared for... and just...
pulls her weight, has a good temperament, tries her best, has skills to offer, but... not a snigle one... is really... nobody ever really expresses gratitude u know...? i can't even say she's been selfish, she's always... raelly tried,,, to be a good person... her whole life...
i bet you she even decided to always be good to go to heaven and see her parents. she's prolly that kinda kid... always... always looking up... always... hoping... always... denied...
ok IM SAD G'NGIHT
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