AND THEN I SPENT THE NEXT 4 HOURS CRYING ABOUT AUBREY
i do think it'd be interesting to see how she'd have carried on with her personality in p1??? the stoic, emotionally cut off girl she was?? before finding ryan/manny/elise??
tho tbh, a lot of heartache could have been saved if she wasn't afraid of what a ticking time bomb daichi was?? i do wonder if like... us wanting everybody paired off played against aubrey tho??
if aubrey had fought back or stood her ground, what would he have done? shut her out, more than likely right? find a way to say fine, it's over! then what? nobody else was going to reach out to him?? she was kinda instalocked in a way?? sure couples broke up and all that, but after spending literally years together you kinda actually DO fall in love?? if you let it happen?
and if he HAD found somebody else that he was honestly happy with, i think that'd hurt her just as badly. she'd feel like she'd failed him and herself, that she didnt' do enough, that she SHOULDN'T have snapped.
not to mention he had intense issues inside his head, she literally feared for the safety of the community if he was left to his own devices after a more than likely bitter breakup. it was easier to just sit in silence with him and every once in a while take a sharp snapback from him than let him go and snap- you know, kinda like how he did in the end, that resulted in his death.
she's really just filled with contraries. she isn't sure which side to act on? and she feels nobody forgives her, that everybody judges her. and she knows what sort of person daichi is, she figured he'd break up point blank if he really didn't want to be with her. she was relying on that honesty.
somehow, everything just feels like her fault. she died a lonely old age carrying all of his burdens in the end. and having everybody judge her for hoping he has a pleasant rest. she displays all the symptoms of an abused spouse, just without the physical scars.
in the end, i think she felt that a girl like her can fall in love with a guy like him... but a guy like him needs nor wants to do with a girl like her. and i think that hurts her the most? she's tired of always trying, always wanting things that require the help of somebody else. she wants to be selfish, but she can't act on it.
aubrey will never, ever, hear "i love you" in the way she yearned to hear it. not honestly, anyways. her life was always a sham, a cruel joke to pay for a crime she never committed. she wishes she could be selfish like him and things work out how she wanted it in the end, lashing out and getting what she deserves.
but instead she suffers too.
she wonders if there was ever a world where he loved her but she didn't love him. she wonders how it went. did he try to win her over? did he ignore her and run away? did he just snap and murder her? she'll never know, but in a universe of infinite possibilities, she finds it hard to believe there's even one where he loved her- and treated her like he loved her.
that's just asking too much; she's not allowed to be that selfish, after all.
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